I've just switched to Google Chrome because my previous browser - Firefox - kept sticking and freezing up my computer. All is working well so far.
One of the things I always used to say on my website was that I had nothing to write about, this was half true - the other half was more that I was sure exactly what I was comfortable with saying. For whenever I've had something to say there's always been this little thought in my head advising me that I shouldn't even if it really would have proved interesting.
It's all part of a wider issue I've lived with for years but tended to ignore, until recently. In fact it is actually something I thought I'd dealt with many years ago but actually when I recently took a long look at my life I've realised I've built my life around the issue. The people around me have probably noticed it but don't probably realise that it's a bigger issue than it appears on the surface.
On the surface it seems like I'm just a shy person, but deep inside me its a bit more than that. There is an anxiety in me that is greater than being just shy in the same way vertigo is more than a fear of heights. In certain circumstances I've known my heartrate to sore, my mouth become dry and on one occassion I very nearly passed out. The issue is called Social Anxiety Disorder.
I'm not going to go into detail about what that means, Ask Jeeves instead and you shouldn't think that I have bad life. As I mentioned I've built up my life around this issue, I've got a wonderful son, the best friends I could ask for and good family, I have a strong life but I think it's time to deal with this issue once and for all.
Going to Australia made me realise there is a world outside that is bigger than the bubble I've built for myself, seeing my son taking his first steps in life has made me realise that time is going on and its no good thing to stay in the same position for too long. So I've made some plans, and I'm taking my steps to rid myself of issues I've learnt to ignore.
Even now I hear that thought in my head, telling me not to post this to the internet or to do it under an alias, but that's the very reason I've written this here, on the personal website I've had for years, where people will know me. Consider this my first step into ridding myself of that little issue.
Comments 0May 16 2010, 8:52pm
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